I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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