Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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