no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
