Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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