just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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