We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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