Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
