I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
