sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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