i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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