so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
