dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
