so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
