Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
