all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
