I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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