Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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