There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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