who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
