He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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