I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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