I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
