Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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