all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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