I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
