i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
