Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
