I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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