I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
