since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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