my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
