i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
