I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
