Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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