oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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