so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
