My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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