I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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