some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
