There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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