so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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