he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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