we're chasing vodka with high fives
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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