I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
