so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
