Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
