All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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