Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
