We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
