It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
