like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
