You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
