The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
