i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
