I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
