Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
