do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
