this just has baby written all over it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
