but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
