Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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