how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
