in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
