Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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