I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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