I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
