It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
