You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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