i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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